Like...Oh my God!
by iceking17 and Circe
Summary: This is a silly fic using the x-men characters in weird ways. Recomended reading with a grain of salt and a blow to the head. Slash pairings but not detailed. Please R


Like… Oh My God

**_Like… Oh My God!_**__By: iceking17 and Circe****

**Disclaimer: All characters in this fanfiction are property of Marvel Comics, Mtv, Hasbro, and the other respected companies. We have nothing to gain from this. Don't sue.**

Circe: At least don't sue me.

Iceking17: Hey! Hold on. What about me? Don't sue me either.

Circe: Talk about selfish.

Iceking17: Whatever. Like the disclaimer says don't sue. Please.

Circe: Just stop your whinnying.

Iceking17: (to the readers) Ha. I love annoying her.

Circe: Ha! Kill you.

Iceking17: Okay, now on with the fanfiction…………………….

**_ _**

**_Like… Oh My God!_******

Scene opens… All the X-men are huddled into one big classroom. At the front of it is a bald man in a wheelchair named Professor X. 

Prof. X: Hello students, I bet you're all wondering what you're doing here. 

Storm: Oh my God.

Prof. X: Well, in your last battle, with the stupidifying… err… dumbening… uhhh… 

Jean: Oh my God.

Prof. X: …idiocy inducing foe, Pedra Miazgo, you all fell under his… err… her… ummm… it's power. Therefore I am here to re-educate you all. Now if you would all take your seats…

Storm: Oh my God.

Prof. X: Now, who knows what the square root of four is?

Jean: Oh my…god?

Beast: I do! I do! It is the square root of the number of sides on a triangle plus the area of a circle with a diameter of twenty-two divided by three pi.

Prof. X: Uuuuhhhhh…what the heck? The answer is two.

Dr. Reyes: Two!?! You big blue beast of a…. a blue bimbo! You're _incompetent_!

Prof. X: Oookay. How about, how many sides are on a pentagon?

Beast: Thirteen thousand, four hundred and sixty four. 

Dr. Reyes: 13,464!?! Even I know the answer to that one! It's 5, you imbecilic, moronic… doodie-head!

THUMP

Gambit: Heh, someone's happy to see Gambit, non?

Iceman: Oh, yeah.

Jean: Oh my God.

Storm appears next to Gambit and Iceman.

Storm: Oh my God

Iceman: Go away.

Storm: By the Goddess!

Jean: Storm, not here.

Gambit and Iceman resume as Storm and Jean leave.

Gambit: Wait! Jus promise Gambit you won't ice up like last time, 'kay chere?

Iceman: Yeah, yeah, less of the talking, more of the doing.

Gambit: Remy only trying to make you happy, chere.

Iceman: Yeesh! You talk more that Hank does when were doing this! Come on!

Gambit and Iceman start making out which becomes full out sex. Moans of pleasure can be heard every two seconds.

Iceman: Ohh that's hot Cajun lovin'.

Gambit: You awful hot for an Iceman, chere.

The rest of the class and Prof. X ignore the two.

Prof. X: Now, Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492, and Galileo said that the world was not flat back when………

A couple of feet away, Marrow, Polaris, and Dazzler start dancing on the top of their chairs, slapping each others butts every 2 minutes. 

Dazzler: Hey gals, I'm so glad that I'm back and here with you two and not back in the Mojoverse with that _stupid_ Longshot. I mean, what kind of _lucky_ man gets killed by four psychopathic babies? SMACK

Polaris: Harder! Oh, me too. I'm real glad you're back. Besides, between you and me, working with Marrow was getting a bit frustrating. SMACK

Marrow: Grrr… ladies, watch this. Yo! Marauder, why don't you go take your ice princess and get a room? SMACK

Gambit: Hold up chere. M'be you should practice what you preach, Marrow!

Marrow: We SMACK! are practicing for our jobs. SMACK! 

Gambit: An' that we'd be?

Marrow: You know…

Gambit: Oh, yeah. (In a whisper) Hey chere, what be their jobs again?

Iceman: Lesbian strippers. Can we please…?

Gambit: Oh, yeah.

Gambit and Iceman resume their 'antics'.

Meanwhile…

Prof. X: Now, can anyone tell me what 10 + 7 equal?

Beast: I know! I know! It's the square root of 53 times the sum of 123 and 65 plus 4.

Prof. X: Actually, it's 17.

Dr. Reyes slaps Beast.

Dr. Reyes: Stupid deformed Muppet baby! Why don't you ever get one right!

Emma Frost can be seen running around screaming with her hair on fire.

Emma Frost: YaaaaahhhhHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

Gambit: Huh? Wha' be up wit her?

Iceman: I lit her hair on fire this morning, and she still hasn't found a way to put it out. And that's the seventh time I've done it. Anyway, will you stop interrupting?

Gambit: Oh. Yeah, sorry.

A portal opens up and out from it lands Daria, Jane, Trent, the fashion club, and Tom from MTV's Daria. 

Jane: TOM!!! DIE!!!

Jane picks up a desk and chases Tom around with it, trying to smack him on the back of the head, only being successful a couple of times.

Tom: Daria! Help!

Daria: Where are we? Oh, well, as long as my sister isn't here…

Trent: Isn't that her over there?

Daria: Dammit!

Shrieks can be heard from the doorway.

Quinn: Oh. My. God! That butt ugly hairy little man is wearing _plaid_! Ewwww!

Tiffany: Plaid……………No……………not……………..plaid………… that's….

Stacy: Yellow spandex? Talk about fashion emergency!

Sandy: Can we really help them, Stacy? I mean look at that girl's tacky yellow rain coat.

Stacy: I'm scared.

Tiffany: sooooo………………..retro……………..like…………19…………91.

Trent: Hey, I could write a song about this… where are we again, Janey?

Tom: Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Jane just finishes killing Tom.

Jane: Hell if I know, but I think I saw a painting like this.

Tom appears as an angel.

Tom: I loved you, Jane.

Jane: Then why are you, my mistake, _were_ you with Daria?

Tom: I was using her.

Daria: What!?! I'll kill you!

Daria proceeds to kill Tom again.

Prof. X: Class pay attention! Now, velocity is distance…

Beast: Distance times sunlight over water! 

Prof. X: Sorry… WRONG! Now all of you, pay attention!

Jubilee: Wolvie, do I hafta? I mean after what that mean witch said about me…

Sandy: WITCH!?! YOU BEEYATCH!! I'LL SHOW YOU, YOU LITTLE FASHION MISTAKE!!!!

Daria: Hey Trent. Now that Tom's gone, how about we…

Suddenly, the same portal that brought the Lawndaleians here sucked them back up, returning them home.

Jubilee: I'm glad that's over. Hold me, Wolvie.

Logan and Jubilee start making out. When out of nowhere another portal opens up, dispensing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Michelangelo: Hey dudes, where are we… Jubie?!?

Jubilee: Mikie?!? What are you doing here? This is _so_ rad!

Donatello: The answer is clear. _Dude_, we're in the wrong fanfic.

All: Ohhhhhh…

Leonardo: Dude.

Michelangelo: Sweet.

Donatello: Dude.

Raphael: Sweet.

Jean & Storm: Oh my God!

Prof. X: SHUT UP!!!

All TMNT: Dude!!

Jean & Storm: Oh. My. God.

Raphael: Well, how do we get home?

Then, a giant portal opens up and sucks them all away.

Michelangelo: Cowabunga sister, Jubie!

Jubilee: Cowabunga bother, Mikie!

Wolverine: Who were they?

Jubilee: Old friends of mine. I love you, Wolvie.

Wolverine: And me you, darlin'.

Suddenly the roof caves in on the two of them, crushing them flat.

Jubilee: (in gibberish) gtelp getee, getim geteygeteing! (Help me I'm dying!)

Beast: Oh my stars and garters!

Storm: By the Goddess!

Nightcrawler: Vhat in the name of...?!

Colossus: Boize Moi!

Jean: …… I AM PHOENIX!!

Storm: Oh my god!

Jean: Oh my god!

Storm: Oh my god!

Jean: Oh my god!

Storm: Oh my god!

~ And on and on and on…

Psylocke: I can't believe he dumped me on Christmas Eve. I didn't even get to kiss him under the mistletoe.

All the while, Rogue is sitting in the corner rocking back and forth.

Rogue: (in a whisper) Ah see dead people. Ah see dead people. Ah see dead people…

Prof. X: An adverb is in front of a noun, another adverb, and adjective and a verb…

Near a window, sits Colossus. He leans back and, unfortunately armors up, causing him to fall out the 6-story window. 

Colossus: Somebody help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Unfortunately, no one can hear him.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Cyclops runs around in a circle making funny noises. 

Cyclops: Timmay! UghreksjhfsafjjlL! Aifjedkrelerjktgferhlk!

Eventually, he runs out of energy and faints.

Nightcrawler: So, Banshee, vhat do you say about ditching this place and going out to play pool, ja?

Mystique: I'm not Banshee.

Mystique morphs back into her true self.

Nightcrawler: Mother!

Quickly, Mystique whips out a gun and kills Nightcrawler.

Mystique turns and stares at Rogue

Mystique: …Oh, No! My only living sane child! What have I done?

Then, Mystique turns the gun around and shoots herself.

No one even notices the two. 

Suddenly Archangel bursts through the door.

Archangel: Bobby! Remy! Like, I can't believe you started without me!

Jean: … I AM DARK PHOENIX!!

Archangel: …Yeah, whatever, talk to the hand!

Psylocke: And I can't believe you didn't kiss me under the mistletoe!

Archangel: Huh? Oh, that. Don't worry about that Betts, I'm gay now. See ya.

Archangel goes and joins Iceman and Gambit.

Psylocke runs out the door crying.

Psylocke: SOB I turned him gay! SOB

Seconds later, Bevis and Butthead appear out of nowhere.

Bevis and Butthead: Huh, huh, huh, gay orgies, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, dumb babes, huh, huh, huh.

They disappear soon after.

Prof. X: Se habla espanol means he speaks Spanish to her…

All of a sudden, a tiny little Toad hops in complaining about a giant menace called a shoe. As soon as he stops an anorexic Blob dances in, wearing a tutu, and squishes him, prancing away insanely. 

Prof. X: …And that is the end of our class. I hope you all learned something today.

All: Huh? Were we supposed to be listening to you?

Prof. X: Stares blankly God dammit! I knew I should have implanted the info telepathically! Bah! Humbug!

And so our story ends with the Professor, wheeling out of the classroom, _accidentally_ running over the fainted Cyclops.

Prof. X: Damn pansy. Get out of the way!


End file.
